Neti Neti
Not this, not that.
I recently came across a meditation practice called “Neti Neti”.
The phrase comes from a Sanskrit expression meaning : “Not this, not that”.
The meditation focuses on stripping down the subject to its core. In other words, the meditator gets rid of everything superficial in order to find their “true self”.
The meditation seems simple ,yet powerful. Everytime a thought about something connected to you arises, you simply say : “not this”.
Anxiety, “not this”. Lonely “not this”. Your job , “not this”. This process continues until you find the core of who you are.
This whole process piqued my interest and got me thinking about the nature of the self.
Who are you?
Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?
Charles Bukowski
This might seem like a silly question on the surface.
If I asked most people who they are, they would probably answer it in a few ways:
I am a {Insert occupation}.
I study { insert field of study}.
I’m married to/related to { Insert name}.
These answers are all useful, but it doesn't get to the point of my question.
If you were to strip yourself of everything relational. Strip yourself of everything that was given to you. Who would you be?
We are what was given to us.
The name you cling to was given.
You were born with the name that shapes you. It was never your choice.
The language you speak , even the language you think in, was formed over time by thousands of people and taught to you.
Your experiences, your trauma and your initial model of the world, was mostly shaped by your caregivers or parents.
These things could not be chosen. They were simply there.
Becoming useful.
As you grew older, you could make choices.
In fact, society demands useful choices.
You were taught to become as useful as possible.
Want to be loved? You have to become the perfect partner.
Want to make use of resources? You better make a lot of money by being very useful in whatever role produces the most for society.
Ofcourse these aspects become part of our identities. These are the things we place so much effort in. The things we sacrifice for. The things we lose ourselves for.
Not this, not that.
I don't believe we are any of these things.
Anything that can be taken away from you. Anything that is outside of your control, can not form the core of who you are.
If I had to lock you in a room with nothing else but yourself, how would you answer this question?
You can be very successful at your job, but still lose it due to circumstances out of your control.
How many people have intertwined their identities with their relationships, only to lose their partners?
These parts that you have integrated into your identity can all be taken away. And if you don't realise the nature of your true self, you can suffer unimaginably.
Finding your true self.
How do you find yourself?
If everything is connected or fleeting, how do you find your core?
I believe very few people find themselves.
Those that do are usually hermits or something similar.
It requires shifting paradigms and dissolving whole systems of thought patterns.
It could be silence, meditation, or events that force enlightenment.
I do not have the answers as everyone is on a different path.
All I can give is an invitation.
I believe that focusing on anything material would not give you answers. Even your life is material and can be taken from you.
The only thing that remains, is the immutable and transcending core that you were born with, and will leave with.
Strip everything away and find the truth.
Not this
Not that
What remains?
“When you identify with something, you give it power over you.”
— Eckhart Tolle